Do you truly think that my heart can despise
The love of my life who was waiting for me
And I him rather impatiently,
Love is a myth of a fact or a rumor
There’s only room for two no matter your tutor
Love is no game, actually a challenge
But the best is to come for those who have knowledge
Knowing the chance and taking the risk
To love one completely without a fight with a fist.
My whole hearted soul awaits you in your sleep
While I lie here awaiting your presence to speak.
I love you
Disgusting Pig From My Dreams
Fill my lungs with smoke
As I dig a deeper hole
I am betrayed
You unloyal mother fuk
This situation is only getting worse
Your cruelty makes me sick
I despise your soul
You fuking sick fuk
Rest In Peace with your truly beloved
Your cheating whore
An apology will not suffice
You created this device
I forgave a million times
You should shovel your own ground
I’ll fill my lungs with smoke
Before I break down
Just another break down
There’s no light at the end of the tunnel for you
Your stench wreaks in my nose
STAY TRUE?
Ya, FUK YOU
You don’t even know what it meant
Where I come from
My souls burning is disguise
From disgust
You’re just a bitch and I’m a bad mother fuker
If you only knew who I am you’d see
You’ll never fuk with another like me
You’re just the pig from my dreams
© J.C.B 1/25/17
Garage Gun Fight
I didn’t sleep all night until this morning.. I started thinking a spider was crawling on me and that I’m losing my mind from insomnia but then found a spider under me this morning. Ugh
I did sleep for about an hour this morning and had this dream:
Arnold Schwarzenegger and I were walking to our cars at a mall around 5:30pm. All of the sudden I see some kid try to hand the security guard a gun but the security guard didn’t take it so the kid shot him in the groin.
The kid then ran to hand the gun to me so I took and and started pretending to shoot people. There was a swarm of these guys wearing hoodies handing out guns and whoever didn’t start killing people they would shoot point blank.
Arnold and I kept going up the staircase to try to get away but all of doors back into the mall were locked. We looked down and could see them taking over levels one by one. My thought was to find my car then haul out of there running them over, but we couldn’t find my car.
At the end of the dream everyone had hostages and someone handed me a new gun because I ran out of ammunition.. I looked at Arnold for advice and he took the gun from me and started pretending to teach me how to use it. I then crawled off to continue to look for my car but couldn’t find it still. I came back to get Arnold but he wasn’t there. He had fallen over the railing but wasn’t dead just stuck in the crevice of the staircase. He got out and everyone waiting on me to shoot people, then I woke up.
I thought about going back to finish the dream to see if we lived or if he saved the day somehow but didn’t want to.
I’m tired of not sleeping. I’m tired of nightmares and f*** that spider that made me think I was losing my mind.
© J.C.B. 1/24/17
Full Moon
Full moon on decline
You tell me what’s on your mind and I
Don’t understand how our worlds entwine
Because you-
Twist and turn them in full recline
I say one thing and you say another
As if I am on one plane, and your world is another- uh
I can’t see how I did so wrong
Asking you to not leave me on the ground
Can I? Ask you this, or it’s too profound
To be meaningful & respect what natures found?
So I- keep leaning and feeling down
One tie on one shoe but only one foot on the ground
Keep weeping and hurting harder
What’s the sense in it- taking word for tomorr’a
There’s no flat where they got us now because
I’ve got two shoes but only one on the ground…..
DrEEm
I dream-
I was initially with Phil heading to Malaysia then we ended up in Brazil. This is where I found robin dead lying face first in the bathroom beside he toilet. Then I went to Robin Williams house and Adam Sandler and Chris Delia were there . We all hung out and told robin not to kill himself.
After all of this I ended up at some ghost town country barn… these men saw me and I tried to get away but couldn’t.
They took me into a barn and put me in a circle around a table and they all started chanting. A young female ghost demon appears and started telling me to do things.
Blah
Some may miss you in the day
Some may kiss you in the night
But it’s when they miss you in the present time they are with you that matters
~ jecca
Info on Dream Walking
Someone asked and this was my reply:
It’s called dream walking when you enter others dreams. You can do it but most people it takes a long time to do it and can be a little dangerous.
I show up in people’s dreams a lot as well but usually I am just there smiling and sending them a message of some sort.
I am a dream walker myself. One day to practice (choose someone you really trust) is to meditate with eachother before you fall asleep, can be touching your third eye chakra to your friends as you say aloud where you two are going to meet in the dream world together. Describe the place in as much detail as you want, then tie a piece of yarn around your left index finger and their opposite and hold hands so the knots as together as you fall asleep. Then you go meet the person in the dream world. (Omar Moreno I hope this is helpful) The purpose of the yard is so when you’re in the dream, you look at your hands to see the yarn and know what you’re doing/ that it worked/ and to remind yourself where you’re supposed to be going.
Once you’re in Alpha level, 7/8-12CPS is when you can start a dream. It is a myth that it takes hours to get there, because I can fall asleep and be dreaming within seconds. My brain is just quicker than most.
Domino Affects
Dominoes, Dominoes, one by one
This time was it a knife or a gun?
Dominoes, Dominoes falling down
To lay themselves to sleep far deep in the ground
Dominoes, Dominoes, this world is unfair
But do you know how many loved ones truly care?
Domino, Domino, I feel your pain
As I’ve been there too, contemplating shattering my brain
Our roots are so strong yet our souls render fear
To live in this world with our thoughts so unclear.
Dominoes, Dominoes, one by one
How much more can we suffer or just be done?
Domino, Domino you’ll never be forgotten
All that will be left in this world will be rotten
Dominoes, Dominoes please think twice
Before you pick up the poison, pistol, or knife
Domino, Domino, things are unjust
Don’t let that render your souls faithful trust
Dominoes, Dominoes, one by one
Morning will come
We can wipe away the tears and start anew together as one
But Domino of Dominoes, you are the only one
Let yourself free from what this world has become.
~ Copyright December 21, 2016 J.C.B ©
Nun’s Eyes Sewn Shut
Dream:
I was with a bunch of people throwing a party at a hotel. My friends Sebastian and Timur were there alone with a bunch of random people.. Some girl kept rubbing on both of them and I was getting a little angry because I wanted Timur.
Was almost like a graduation party. Then the cops came and told us to quiet down and this hotel ended up being a nursing home sort of place that also used as a hotel.
A lady was being dragged outside for beating her kid. The little kid had a huge hole missing from the side/ top of his head but was still alive and standing, eyes open etc. it really creeped me out and I felt so mad at the lady.
Sometime later I found a mouse and my cat Killer tried to kill it. I didn’t save it in time so I held it until it died and stroked its head. Then a little bat was flying through the room. I followed it outside of the castle/ nursing home trying to catch it. When I caught it it bit me but I wasn’t afraid. I felt like it was feeding off of me. Then I turn around and see two long lines of nuns walking out of the building chanting. I stand there and wait for them to pass but they all stop and look at me and tell me about the boy who’s head had been injured. I realize all of the nuns eyes are seen shut but I was not afraid of them.. They told me I had to do something.. But I can’t remember what it was.
I go back into the castle and all of the sudden it is a theatre with some play is about to be held. One of the hairstylists didn’t show up so I pretended I was her and helped people with their hair. My childhood friend (and current stylist) Sammy was there working the event as well! We were so excited to run into each other.
We had to make a run to get something and I saw the boy getting into a truck and trying to run away. He pointed a gun at ass and told us not to call the cops and to let him go- so we did. Next thing I know I am at Hot Topic restretching my ears out and I could actually feel how heavy it was in the dream. They were beautiful pinkish marbles gauges in the shape of a rose. Somehow- the Hot Topic was in Colorado.
I really don’t understand my dreams. 😐
Life of a Sex Object
I have been drinking since the age of 13. I am currently 24 years old. For the past 6 years or so, I have drank alcohol heavily almost every night. If I took one or two days off a week, I felt “accomplished,” if you will. Every week I would tell myself, “Oh, I’ll quit on Monday.” Monday comes and I would be out having drinks by myself wondering what to do with my life… rant
Being a homeless child, I saw a lot of things. I was tortured, raped, abused and treated as an object all of my life. When I turned 18, I became a stripper. All I knew was you dance, flash your boobies and make a few hundred dollars, which was AMAZING!! Right? No. I felt like I had no other choice. I was broke, working two jobs at a Taco Bell and a Subway in the middle of nowhere, Arkansas and needed to get the fuck out of dodge, (and back to Texas!) I had moved there to support my mother after her divorce with my first step father.
After a month of saving making $100 a night, I packed up and drove to Austin, TX. Arkansas strip clubs obviously are very crummy! Anyways, I had a little over 1k and was ready to restart. Arkansas law required dancers to wear pasties that covers the areola/nipples and keep your t-back on while on stage. You must put your stripper outfit/dress back on BEFORE stepping off of the stage and getting onto the floor. There was no such thing as a table dance, if a customer wanted a dance from you, you would take him to the back lounge area and dance, with your outfit on (and shoes off) while a bouncer starred the entire time. $20, clothed dances.
So here I am in Austin, TX. I made a list of gentleman’s clubs I had googled and picked a place called The Yellow Rose. I remember picking it because that was my mothers favorite flower, a yellow rose. I go to the club and get hired on the spot. Nobody really told me what to do or where to go, just pointed me in the direction of the dressing room. As I am walking through the crowd, girls are walking around in just their thongs, titties out, grinding on guys all over the floor. I had a panic attack. What the fuck is this? Is this legal? I thought we couldn’t do that? I thought we had to dance with clothes on?! I was fucked. Shit.
I have my mental freak out moment and get dressed. The girls are absolutely gorgeous here compared to Arkansas! I felt stumped. Here I am, an 18 year old girl just trying to finally have a savings, subjecting herself to be the exact thing she had always been since she was a child – a sex object. I am and was the last person who should ever be in these situations..who should ever be spoken to or treated this way.. All of my life, I have been the object. This was just the beginning to another many years of sexual abuse.
To Be Continued..
I Felt Like Talking 